Why do good things happen when you least expect it? Why do people put on fakeass smiles when they actually feel like shit? Why is it that the someone you want to see is nowhere to be seen? Why do things go according to plan when you don’t actually plan it? Why don’t I pick up pennies I see on the ground, when I’m always short a penny buying something? Why are all the good ones gay? Why does it rain when I have to walk somewhere? Why is it that my mom calls me when I’m at parties and never when I’m in the study room? Why do I get good scores only when I come out of exams feeling like shit? Why do people pretend like they got your back, then shit happens and they bounce? Why are druggies the more insightful kinds of society? Why is it that time flies only when you don’t want it to?
Why can’t shit be just straightforward and consistent?
I’ve been in such a bitchy mood. I’ve been complaining about everything, about people, about parents, about small things, about bad drivers, about drivers who aren’t even bad, about things I really shouldn’t even be bitching about.
And I’m not even on my period.
I dont know what happened. I mean I’m suppose to be relaxed since it’s spring break but every small thing gets me antsy and on the edge. Like hearing myself talk makes me want to slap myself and say “what the fuck is wrong with you? get a hold of yourself, dumbass”
Maybe I need to get away. Maybe I need to just stay quiet for an hour. Maybe I shouldn’t trust people so easily. Maybe I should. Maybe I should just go to the beach, sit there and start scrying until all this stress is just gone. Maybe I need a hug, maybe I need an ear. Maybe I need someone to not judge me, not talk behind my back, not expect things from me. Maybe I need someone to sit there and just listen. No words, no commentary, no guidance. Just ears.
Maybe I need you. Maybe I dont. I wish it could be you. You could just sit there, and for once I really wouldn’t mind the silence. You could sit there, watch me vent, cry with my knees pulled up against my chest, cursing against my bones on probably how horrible of a person I think I’ve become. And after all that, you could give me that hug that I’ve always liked from you and tell me “everything is going to be alright.”
Maybe I sound selfish, but I think it’s one of the only things I need right now.
- Hang out with Edrik @ La Jolla (sunday) and eat sushi with him! (wednesday) - Eat carne asada fries with Jonar (saturday) - Go to convoy with Angeli (maybe Jonar?) (TBD — wednesday?) - Go to Seaworld with family(tuesday) (friday) - Go to Legacy kickback at John’s Incredible Pizza (thursday) - Dentist :x (mon and thursday) - Go hang out with Gianni..somewhere. (TBD — sometime between mon, weds, or fri?) - Hang out with Amanda! (penciled you in ;D — TBD) - Take the cousins to the beach (for a photoshoot — fri, or sat?) out to otay mall and other places (monday) - PROJX Kickback (tuesday)
and thats all i remember. if anyone else wants to kick it, let me know! we’ll see if this can work out.
bold and crossout - not happening crossout - accomplished
1. Status = single 2. Nickname(s)= princess, homie, bestfrand, little one, and more i cant imagine 3. Zodiac sign = leo 4. Fem or Stud or undecided = fem (by reading that, i thought stud = student hah.) 5. Elementary School = Nan Sanders Elem 6. Middle School = Lakewood Middle, Bell Junior High and Ocean View Hills School. 7. High School = San Ysidro High 8. Hair color = black 9. Long or short = still short 10. Loud or Quiet music = depends on mood 11. Sweats or Jeans = jeans 12. Phone or Camera = phone! 13. Health freak = a little more than usual. 14. Drink or Smoke= dont smoke. 15. Do you have a crush on someone = boyfriend :] 16. Eat or Drink = boooth 17. Tattoos = zero 18. Pepsi or Coke= pepsi! 19. Been Gay? nope 20. Been in a relationship? yup 21. Been in a car accident? yuuup 22. Been in a fist fight? nope
FIRSTS: 23. First piercing - Ears. 24. First REAL best friend - Thalia and Angela 25. First award - student of the month 28. First big vacation - Philippines! 29. Last person you talked to in person – kristian d. 30. Last person you texted – gail 31. Last person you watched a movie in theaters with - ate roxanne and meryl! 32. Last food you ate – rice 33. Last Movie you watched – end of moulin rouge 34. Last song you listened - loose change - the morning benders 35. Last thing you bought? - bagel bites! 36. Last person you hugged – mother
X IF YES: 45. [X] wishes on 11:11 46. [X] celebrated(s) Halloween. 47. [x] had your heart broken 48. [x] went over minutes/texts on your cell phone 49. [ ] had someone question my sexual orientation 51. [ ] broken a bone 52. [x] skipped school 53. [x] did something you regret 54. [x] broke a promise 55. [x] hid a secret 56. [x] pretended to be happy 57. [x] met someone who changed your life 58. [x] pretended to be sick 59. [x] left the country 61. [x] cried over the silliest thing 62. [x] ran a mile 63. [x] went to the beach/ocean 64. [x] got into an argument with your friends 65. [x] hated someone 66. [x] stayed single a whole year
CURRENTLY: 67. Eating: Nothing 68. Drinking: nothing 69. Listening to: music 71. Plans for today: one more class today and then samahan meeting! AND SPRING BREAK BEGINS 72. Waiting: to fall asleep 73. Want kids: someday 74. Want to get married: someday 75. Missing someone? i miss a lot of people ;[
76. OPPOSITE SEX: 77. Shorter or taller? Taller please. 78. Eye color? dark, light, hazel brown 79. Dark hair or light? Daaaark hair! 81. Hook-up or relationship? Relationship. 82. Looks or personality? looks count for something but personality is def the 1up. if you look good but have a bad personality then i dont even try.
HAVE YOU EVER: 83. Lost glasses/ contacts? lost glasses several times. lost contacts maybe once or twice 85. Held a gun/knife for self defense? Nope. 86. Killed somebody? Nope. 87. Broken someone’s heart? Yep. Sorry. 88. Been arrested? Nope. 89. Fucked? No.
DO YOU BELIEVE IN: 90. Yourself – most of the time 91. Miracles - Yuuup 92. Love at first sight - No. 93. Is there a God? Of course <3 94. Santa Claus – Duh :p 95. Sex on the first date - No. 96. Kiss on the first date –Depends 97. Is there 1 person you want to be with right now? Hm. 98. Are you seriously happy with where you are in life? Parts of it, yes. 99. Is there something you would like to say to someone? Possibly! 100. Post as 100 truths! sure thang
“One word love: curiosity. You long for freedom. You long to do what you want to do because you want it. To act on selfish impulse. You want to see what it’s like. One day you won’t be able to resist.”—
- Lunch with Ate - Filming FCN teaser #1 - 1st time driving kristian to convoy (he’s alive!) - 2nd time at TaPex w/ samahomies - 1st time at morning glory! - cruising around national city and plaza bonita
aw yeah. but i will be laying low on certain adventures. too many lessons learned today.
Tell myself on the ride home. Getting tired, hating all I’ve known. Holding on like it’s all I have. Count me out when it’s clear that I find it hard to say. And you find it hard to care.
I wanted to see something that’s different, something you said would change in me. Wanted to be anything different, everything you would change in me.
I love the feelings of finding or revisiting a song you havent heard in forever and finding how even til now, you love it as much as the time when you first heard it. This song will always be my favorite. One of my pick me ups or life theme songs.
I’m sorry for the fights that we’ll get into. I’m sorry for making you cry. I’m sorry for lying. I’m sorry if I get jealous. I’m sorry if I act childish sometimes. I’m sorry if I’m a pain in the ass sometimes. And I’m sorry for everything that I’ll do to make you unhappy. I thank you…
Brilliant. I’d probably write something like this too.