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"you can turn off the sun but i'm still gonna shine"

{ 22yo || AUG0291 || full time college student after school program teacher & dreamer }


i believe in second chances. not only that but i've grown to learn to keep moving forward. no matter what brings you down, what pulls you to your lowest, makes you feel like you are just a piece a shit. there's nowhere to look but up. because in the end, everything will be alright. everything will be just fine. be happy that you are still living, be thankful for everything you have, for the friends who have your back and for those who tell you that they hope to see you suceed. be happy that you have those people.

the world is in our hands, we just got to know what we could make of it.
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Love your parents. We are so busy growing up, we often forget they are also growing old.

You always held my hand ever since I was young. Whenever you walked by my side and I was barely halfway to your shoulder. You would hold my hand when I would sit in your room and just cry whenever I felt like a mess or I felt like nobody loved me. You held my hand when we would sit in the passenger seats of our family van at 1am as we are our way home to from a family party and I would rest my head on your shoulder. You held my hand as we posed for Christmas picture year after year. You held my hand whenever we attended mass together . You held it when I was happy and when I was sad . Through moments of celebration or moments of grief.

And now I hold onto yours at the last day of 2013, watching as your chest doesn’t rise as much as it did the day before.

You take in your breaths slowly. I breathe with you, hoping that it could somehow help the pain. I watch your heart rate as it rises and falls and my own heart stops when it dramatically falls down then rises again.

But I still feel you hold onto me even until now.

How were you so strong? How are you still so strong even until now? At 92 years.

Because it’s who you are. You have stood so strong for all of us, for your children, grandchildren and great grandchildren. You’ve held all of us in your arms and take our joy and pain over your shoulders. Despite whatever you have may felt, you always put us first.

So I hold onto your hand and it is my turn to be strong for you.

And your hand twitched under my own and I feel your fingers grip onto mine because you knew.

And even as you go to heaven this morning, I will continue to borrow your strength. I can only pray that you an provide me that as I move forward.

Rest in Peace Nanay Inga. The strongest woman that has blessed me and loved me for all that I am. Though I am an only child, you were always there. You never made me feel like I was truly alone. I can’t thank you enough for all the wonderful and positive impact you placed in my life through all these years.

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Spent the night taking care of my niece, Isabella. She’s way too adorable for words. ♥

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Fixed the DVD proportions, burned it, put it in the DVD player and watched it. I choked up watching it. I really did. It’s like I had this really proud feeling within me, looking at all the pictures and music flow together. All the memories and remembering the fact that she has been there for me ever since the first day I arrived upon this world.

This week was a pretty difficult one for me. Finishing midterms on Wednesday, I kind of took this project on my own. But I didn’t do it on the basis of needing to do it but wanting to do it. Even I had a week-long run of midterms, Istill would’ve put the time and effort upon doing a project for my grandma. I love her. She’s gave so much for me and I wish I could give just as much back to her. I hope she will know all the effort and love I put into this montage.

To be honest I had different original intentons when starting this. I worried about impressing other people; wanting to prove that ‘Hey that’s right, this is a reason why I’m a film major. I can do things like this. I do have a talent’. But now I figured out the true meaning behind this as the week progressed and as I dealt with certain issues.

I’m doing this for my grandma. For her 90th birthday. Not for anyone else. I dont need to prove anything to anyone else. I just want to show my grandma how much I love her by making this for her. 

I have a feeling when Saturday comes by and once the DVD starts rolling on the screen, I might bust out crying. Haha. 

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For my 2,000th post..

So this is my Ninang/Ate Kaye and Kuya Wilbur’s wedding that I attended two weeks ago, in which I was the bridesmaid. It was beautiful and this video shows only a snippet of how wonderful it really was. And how happy the two are :)

The last really wonderful wedding I attended was my Ninang/Ate Melernie and Kuya Randy’s wedding (in which I was a junior’s bridemaid) and that was when I was 15 years old. Now I’m 19 so it’s been awhile.

But it reminded me of how much I really love weddings. And how all my cousins picked really good people to be with.

Overall, I had realized that for love, you have to find someone that will take care of you, give to your benefits and make you a better person. Be there when you’re at your highest, and your rock when you’re at your lowest. Be your best friend and confidate. And even when you both hit tough times, make sure love will help you forgive and move forward.

But I dont want someone only for my benefits, I want to find someone that I can love. That I can be the best for them, do the best for them, make myself be a better person all for their natural being. Who I can give my heart to, how I can take care of and try to do my best to make them happy and be there for them.

I always read things that I want a someone who would do this for me, or this or this for me me me. But have we ever stop to think 'What can I do for that person?'

A relationship is a mutual thing, it involves two people. It’s a give and take. It’s not all about you but also for them. For the both of you. For going through happy and sad times together.

I hope I will find someone that will challenge me to be a better person, a better loving person to make that person happy and who can do the same for me. I can’t assume the next guy will be the one. Or even a guy after that. But it’s good to try and find out. ♥

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DAY 3 - A picture that makes you happy.
This is my nephew/inaanak (god-son) Elijah. Whenever I look at pictures of him smiling on my ninang’s facebook, it makes me happy. Whenever I see him smile it makes me happy. He’s probably one of the greatest things in this world right now and I love him so much. ♥

DAY 3 - A picture that makes you happy.

This is my nephew/inaanak (god-son) Elijah. Whenever I look at pictures of him smiling on my ninang’s facebook, it makes me happy. Whenever I see him smile it makes me happy. He’s probably one of the greatest things in this world right now and I love him so much. ♥

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